Sheriff Buford T. Justice Is On The Case!

I am both amused and a little disgusted to find out that eight people have now been arrested in connection with Michael Phelps' bong-gate! Here's the latest from WIS-TV in Columbia, South Carolina:

The party took place in November at a house on Blossom Street near Five Points.
It was at that house where someone snapped the photo of Phelps taking a hit on a marijuana pipe called a bong.

Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott says the picture indicated a law was being broken in his jurisdiction. He said he couldn't ignore the violation just because Phelps is rich and famous.

We've now learned that since investigators began trying to build a case, they've made eight arrests: seven for drug possession and one for distribution. These are arrests that resulted as the sheriff's department served search warrants.

We've also learned that the department has located and confiscated that bong.

Sources say the owner of the bong was trying to sell it on eBay for as much as $100,000.

The owner, who wasn't even at the party, is one of the eight now charged.

Governor Mark Sanford is also weighing in on the sheriff's actions.

On the FOX News Channel Sunday night, Geraldo Rivera asked Sanford whether Phelps should be prosecuted.

"I don't see what it gets at this point," said Sanford.

This is just want was needed in this case... bringing in the cracker sheriff to get a little publicity. It sounds like a stunt that would have been pulled by Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Texas!

Justice is not being served in South Carolina, but at least this gives me the opportunity to present some great movie quotes from "Smokey and the Bandit"...

Buford T. Justice: Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I'm in a god-damn hurry.

Buford T. Justice: [to his son] There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch your mamma in the mouth!

Alabama State Trooper: Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock!
Buford T. Justice: You som'bitches couldn't close an umbrella!

Buford T. Justice: What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
Buford T. Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it.

Pedro Sez - Visit South of the Border! (Just Don't Get Out Of The Car!)

The distance between Hilton Head Island, South Carolina and Brookeville, Maryland is 617 miles. I know this for a fact because I drove every single blessed one of them on the family's return home from vacation. For the first third of the trip, I, like so many before me, passed the time reading billboards every couple of miles like this one...

For those of you who've never had the pleasure of driving through the Carolinas on I-95, South of the Border might be a bit difficult to describe. The massive tourist trap, which sits just South of the North Carolina/South Carolina border(get it?), includes a gas station, several restaurants, souvenir shops, fireworks stands, a motel, mini-golf course, amusement park and even a store selling pornography and sex toys.... I would describe the theme as "pre-politically correct 1950's Wetback kitsch". The mascot for South of the Border is Pedro, a Mexican equivalent of a Negro lawn jockey or Chief Wahoo, the idiotically grinning mascot of the Cleveland Indians. Pedro is a caricature - perhaps what our parents might have thought a Mexican looked or sounded like. His billboards "speak" in a thick Mexican accent, like this one -

In fact, I wonder whether"South of the Border" might be what Corey Stewart and his anti-illegal immigrant crowd in Prince William County picture as their own version of Hell!

It's probably been 25 years since I last stopped at South of the Border, and it might be that long before I stop again, but I couldn't resist passing through, and taking a look around. Sadly, "SOB" has seen better days. Even in the middle of the day, much of the place was shut down, even though it was spring break. Many of the buildings were in disrepair, and it seems many other local businesses that once leached off of the tourist mecca have turned the area into a Tijuana ghost town. Just beyond "SOB", we saw boarded-up car dealerships, shutdown sex shops, and other dingy nightspots that once presumably used the allure of South of the Border to bring in customers. Sadly, it seems time has passed Pedro by... But we'll always have his billboards!