In Case Of Election Emergency, Watch This!

There's a mathematical chance that the winner of the popular vote in today's election will not win the electoral vote, and will therefore lose the election, just as Al Gore did to George W. Bush in 2000. If that happens in this year's election, please watch the following video before you light your torches. It explains how our nation works. Thank you - and please vote early and often!



Of course, none of this will really be necessary, because the Redskins election rule is in effect.

In the Redskins 76-year history, whenever the Skins win the game prior to election day, the party that currently holds the White House wins the presidential election. Whenever the Skins lose the pre-election game, the party NOT currently in the White House wins the election. This streak is 16 for 17, with the only exception being Dubya's victory over John Kerry four years ago. With the Redskins' loss to the Steelers last night, it ensures the streak will be back on track, and that Barack Obama will be elected our next President.

So there's no need for you to actually vote. Have a nice day.

I Love The Smell Of Desperation In The Morning!

When we were traveling on vacation in California two years ago, Robin and I chuckled over a bumper sticker we saw. It read "God Bless Our Stupid President". That's really how I'm feeling about our Presidential candidates right about now. Hillary wants to give Americans a gas tax holiday, and allow the average driver to save about 70 bucks this summer - enough to take the family to Outback once. Meanwhile, Barack wants to issue another stimulus check.


Look - Lord knows I could really use some extra cash right now, but how much longer can we really go on looking the other way? Our probable future President, whoever he or she may be, wants us to pleasure ourselves, and not worry about the fact that we're shooting ourselves as a nation in the foot with every extra dollar the nation borrows in the name of economic stimulus. Any extra money rebated back to Americans isn't coming from some secret bank account - it's yet more national debt.

Meanwhile, to make matters ever worse, we must worry about what this kind of political thinking says about us as a nation. Clinton and Obama are now just openly pandering - there's not even really a shred of dignity left between the two of them... And yet, we're supposed to go into a voting booth in November, hold our noses and make a choice? God help us. And don't for a minute think all of this is some sort of oblique endorsement of John McCain. He's out of the spotlight for the moment because he can enjoy watching the other two beat each other's brains out, but I'm sure McCain will have ample time to shame and embarrass himself down the road!

I think perhaps the real villain in all of this is the election process itself. I used to make a joke in the newsroom that, because of the length of the presidential campaign, no one stands a chance of still being liked by the time election day rolls around... Joe Gibbs and Jesus Christ could be the candidates, and we'd still be holding our noses in the voting booth!

The good news at the end of the day is that Hillary and Barack's plans to give away more cash will likely be vetoed by President Bush if either bill lands on his desk. God Bless Our Stupid President, indeed!