RERUN - Pedro Sez - Visit South Of The Border! (Just Don't Get Out Of The Car!)

From March 30, 2008:

The distance between Hilton Head Island, South Carolina and Brookeville, Maryland is 617 miles. I know this for a fact because I drove every single blessed one of them on the family's return home from vacation. For the first third of the trip, I, like so many before me, passed the time reading billboards every couple of miles like this one...




For those of you who've never had the pleasure of driving through the Carolinas on I-95, South of the Border might be a bit difficult to describe. The massive tourist trap, which sits just South of the North Carolina/South Carolina border(get it?), includes a gas station, several restaurants, souvenir shops, fireworks stands, a motel, mini-golf course, amusement park and even a store selling pornography and sex toys.... I would describe the theme as "pre-politically correct 1950's Wetback kitsch". The mascot for South of the Border is Pedro, a Mexican equivalent of a Negro lawn jockey or Chief Wahoo, the idiotically grinning mascot of the Cleveland Indians. Pedro is a caricature - perhaps what our parents might have thought a Mexican looked or sounded like. His billboards "speak" in a thick Mexican accent, like this one -




In fact, I wonder whether"South of the Border" might be what Corey Stewart and his anti-illegal immigrant crowd in Prince William County picture as their own version of Hell!


It's probably been 25 years since I last stopped at South of the Border, and it might be that long before I stop again, but I couldn't resist passing through, and taking a look around. Sadly, "SOB" has seen better days. Even in the middle of the day, much of the place was shut down, even though it was spring break. Many of the buildings were in disrepair, and it seems many other local businesses that once leached off of the tourist mecca have turned the area into a Tijuana ghost town. Just beyond "SOB", we saw boarded-up car dealerships, shutdown sex shops, and other dingy nightspots that once presumably used the allure of South of the Border to bring in customers. Sadly, it seems time has passed Pedro by... But we'll always have his billboards!

I'm Still California Dreamin'!

The Associated Press is running an article offering the premise that the shine has worn off of California. Here's an excerpt:

The number of people leaving California for another state outstripped the number moving in from another state during the year ending on July 1, 2008. California lost a net total of 144,000 people during that period — more than any other state, according to census estimates. That is about equal to the population of Syracuse, N.Y.

The state with the next-highest net loss through migration between states was New York, which lost just over 126,000 residents.

California's loss is extremely small in a state of 38 million. And, in fact, the state's population continues to increase overall because of births and immigration, legal and illegal. But it is the fourth consecutive year that more residents decamped from California for other states than arrived here from within the U.S.

A losing streak that long hasn't happened in California since the recession of the early 1990s, when departures outstripped arrivals from other states by 362,000 in 1994 alone.

In part because of the boom in population in other Western states, California could lose a congressional seat for the first time in its history.

Why are so many looking for an exit?

Among other things: California's unemployment rate hit 8.4 percent in November, the third-highest in the nation, and it is expected to get worse. A record 236,000 foreclosures are projected for 2008, more than the prior nine years combined, according to research firm MDA DataQuick. Personal income was about flat last year.

With state government facing a $41.6 billion budget hole over 18 months, residents are bracing for higher taxes, cuts in education and postponed tax rebates. A multibillion-dollar plan to remake downtown Los Angeles has stalled, and office vacancy rates there and in San Diego and San Jose surpass the 10.2 percent national average.

Median housing prices have nose-dived one-third from a 2006 peak, but many homes are still out of reach for middle-class families. Some small towns are on the brink of bankruptcy. Normally recession-proof Hollywood has been hit by layoffs.

All of this bad news only puts California more out of reach for me, which really just makes California more of a dream. We visit California as often as possible - one of my best friends lives there, just north of Los Angeles. We have been out to visit probably a half-dozen times in the summer, when the weather is 50 percent drier and 10 degrees cooler than it is in the Mid-Atlantic.

We love that there is so much to do within an hour's drive... That Disneyland and Mexico and San Diego and even Las Vegas are nearby. San Francisco is a day-long drive, but the drive back down the coast is incredible, and you get Hearst Castle as a bonus. Monterey. Carmel. The Madonna Inn in San Luis Obsipo is the funkiest motel in the world. Every room has a different design, and the men's room has a waterfall for a urinal! You can go to the grocery store there and see a TV show being filmed in the parking lot! And perhaps most alluring of all... California is halfway to Hawaii, making an expensive and difficult trip less expensive and less difficult!

Yes, I suppose these are all things that are not essential to enjoying a quality life, and I suppose California has crushing problems that I choose to ignore, including that it's the only place in America where traffic is worse than it is where I live now. Schools are bad. Immigration, illegal and otherwise, creates an unbelievable burden on public resources. There are earthquakes and mudslides and wildfires and droughts.


I also personally know people who have been chewed up and spit out by California. My friend, Jen, loves her hometown of San Diego, but is now proud to call herself a Washingtonian(Admittedly- part of the reason Jen loves DC is that she left her family on that other coast!). I once lost an employee to California, but when I offered her her old job back a year later, she took it gladly. Even my good friend Jon, who is literally living the Hollywood dream life - swimming pools and movie stars - says he misses the fact that all of his friends and family live 3,000 miles away.

But thank goodness for the hardships that make California a difficult place to live. If it was easy to make a go of it there, then no one would want to go. For me, the sounds of the Mamas and Papas and the Beach Boys will continue to drum around in the back of my head... and I'll continue my California Dreamin'!

Pedro Sez - Visit South of the Border! (Just Don't Get Out Of The Car!)

The distance between Hilton Head Island, South Carolina and Brookeville, Maryland is 617 miles. I know this for a fact because I drove every single blessed one of them on the family's return home from vacation. For the first third of the trip, I, like so many before me, passed the time reading billboards every couple of miles like this one...

For those of you who've never had the pleasure of driving through the Carolinas on I-95, South of the Border might be a bit difficult to describe. The massive tourist trap, which sits just South of the North Carolina/South Carolina border(get it?), includes a gas station, several restaurants, souvenir shops, fireworks stands, a motel, mini-golf course, amusement park and even a store selling pornography and sex toys.... I would describe the theme as "pre-politically correct 1950's Wetback kitsch". The mascot for South of the Border is Pedro, a Mexican equivalent of a Negro lawn jockey or Chief Wahoo, the idiotically grinning mascot of the Cleveland Indians. Pedro is a caricature - perhaps what our parents might have thought a Mexican looked or sounded like. His billboards "speak" in a thick Mexican accent, like this one -

In fact, I wonder whether"South of the Border" might be what Corey Stewart and his anti-illegal immigrant crowd in Prince William County picture as their own version of Hell!

It's probably been 25 years since I last stopped at South of the Border, and it might be that long before I stop again, but I couldn't resist passing through, and taking a look around. Sadly, "SOB" has seen better days. Even in the middle of the day, much of the place was shut down, even though it was spring break. Many of the buildings were in disrepair, and it seems many other local businesses that once leached off of the tourist mecca have turned the area into a Tijuana ghost town. Just beyond "SOB", we saw boarded-up car dealerships, shutdown sex shops, and other dingy nightspots that once presumably used the allure of South of the Border to bring in customers. Sadly, it seems time has passed Pedro by... But we'll always have his billboards!

The Unemployed Need Vacation, Too! (Don't They?)

Hello from sunny Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, where Life On The Beach reports this week from an actual BEACH! Yes, the Beach Bum is three weeks removed from getting the ax, but here I am with my family, staying at a timeshare that I bought way back when I was a Disney cast member and all was right with the world. I must admit... being here when no job is beckoning upon my return does seem a little extravagant, and every vacation tchotchke that Mrs. Beach Bum looks at now seems like even more of a waste of money than it did when I was working... However, these reservations were made seven months ago, and thanks to cell phones and wifi for my laptop, I can just as easily be surfing for work here as I can at home. Plus - it's nice to spend this time with the wife and kids... When we get back, it's back to rushing them off to school and work while I stay home!

I saw that Georgetown lost in the second round of the NCAA's... I ALMOST wish I was home so I could listen to John Thompson cry like a baby that his kid's team was somehow screwed out of making the Sweet 16... Sorry - I hate the Hoyas. That's what going to Syracuse will do to ya!

If anyone has a job for me, I'm all ears... Even down here in Low Country!