Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Maybe It's Time For New Glasses?

As I was driving into work today (don't get excited - it's temporary), I was trying to drive and read the directions to WBAL at the same time. I only had one problem. I couldn't read a damn thing. My good friend, Bill, went out of his way to write me detailed directions - extremely detailed - Here's a small portion -

Through the light and down the hill....then back up the hill to another traffic light at the forest park golf course. Turn left at the will be driving thru the middle of the golf course at that point. Stay on that road, whose name eludes me until you get to the traffic light at Liberty Heights (which may say Liberty's the first big major cross road) Turn RIGHT on Liberty Heights. You Will stay on Liberty for a while. You'll pass a Baltimore Fire House on your left...just past that there is a major intersection at Garrison Blvd. Even if the light is green, slow down. The intersection is basically blind on two sides and west baltimore yahoos are famous for running thru it. Once thru that intersection, stay on Liberty Heights for another mileor so. You'll go thru three or four more lights. One at Hilton Street is very long...but you'll just have to sit thru it. The next one, at the bottom of the hill has a red light camera attached to it. It also has a short yellow cycle, so try to anticipate while you're coming down the hill... At the NEXT light, Druid Park Drive, with Baltimore City Community college on your right and a parking lot on your left, turn left.

Great detail, Bill... but there's just one problem... It's pitch black outside, and my 1997 Civic has only one dim overhead roof light. My aging eyes can't read the text without stopping the car. In downtown Baltimore. In the dead of night. In a neighborhood that I've been warned to drive through quickly.

I can read the directions just fine if I take my glasses off... But if I take my glasses off, I can't see the road! It must have taken me an extra 10 minutes to find where I was going, and any cop who saw me surely would have pulled me over for doing my slow weave... But I finally made it! I also rewrote the instructions to make them shorter... and in bigger type, too!

Just think! In another 4 years, I'll be eligible for the twilight dinner special at Denny's!

Somebody pass me a Depends!


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