Showing posts with label The Onion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Onion. Show all posts

Thursday, August 21, 2008

And YOU Thought He Went To London!


Media reports have erroneously reported that Olympics hero Michael Phelps has flown from Beijing to London to participate in a "hand-off" ceremony as Beijing passes the torch to London for the 2012 Olympics... But don't believe everything you read... My top news source, The Onion, has the real scoop!

Friday, June 20, 2008

God Bless Our Stupid Government

Recently, I shared with you the results of a government audit that reveals just how much federal government employees abuse their sick leave. For example, the average IRS employee calls in sick 11 days a year! Now, the House of Representatives has passed a bill that would give federal workers even more paid time off - at least four, and up to eight weeks of paid parental leave whenever a family delivers or adopts a baby. This would be on top of any accrued vacation time, paid sick leave or unpaid leave the father or mother chooses to take.

I think parenthood is a wonderful thing. My wife and I have two children of our own - because we decided to have children! My employer at the time was by no means obligated to give me paid time off because I decided to have a family. Why should I, as a taxpayer, be required to pay for federal workers to start their own? I would not gripe about this if federal workers didn't already get more paid leave than they know what to do with. And I have less of a problem giving new mothers paid time off. They do, after all, have to actually GIVE birth, which - let's face it fellas - is something that we men would NEVER be willing to do ourselves.

Maybe what we need is another government report to study the issue of healthcare - like this one:

Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Childrens Healthcare

Friday, May 9, 2008

Capitol Rotunda Smashed By Foul Ball?


My most trusted news source, The Onion, is reporting this morning that the US Capitol rotunda was smashed by a foul ball off the bat of the Nationals' Ryan Zimmerman.... Of course, this story is just a joke! How can you tell? The article says 32,457 people were at the game! Those Onion writers! Such comics!