What To Say To A Jobless Person.

My sister, Jill, sent me an excellent article from the New York Times discussing the conundrum of how to converse with the growing number of people who are being laid off from their jobs. You can read the entire article here, but here's an excerpt:

American companies have shed 240,000 jobs in the first three months of the year, according to the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics. Business-page headlines announce layoffs by the thousands at major American corporations: 2,000 at AOL, 5,000 at Morgan Stanley, 4,000 at Merrill Lynch.

Despite the pervasiveness of the cuts, many people contacted for this article were unwilling to speak for attribution, citing confidentiality agreements or, simply, embarrassment.
In general, middle-aged professionals seem more anxious and demoralized than younger ones; men tend to be more buttoned-up than women.

When Janette La Vigne, an insurance company executive from Clinton Township, N.J., was laid off 10 days ago, she immediately told fellow lacrosse moms. The women were empathetic and bracing, particularly those whose husbands had been through layoffs, said Ms. La Vigne, who had been with the same company for 21 years.

“But the guys are speechless,” she said. “They don’t know how to handle it. Their body language says, ‘Eww, I’m so glad I’m not you right now.’ ”

Those on the sidelines are also uncomfortable, fumbling for a protocol, an etiquette to support their struggling neighbors, while also respecting their dignity. “As this has become more prolonged, friends are pulling away, probably because they think we can’t afford to go out with them,” said the wife of a former executive at a national apparel company, who asked for anonymity because the couple’s friendships have become strained. “They mean well. But I wish they would give us that option.”

Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown, explained the inarticulateness of the well-intentioned. “People feel caught between two conflicting concerns,” said Dr. Tannen, the author of “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation.” “You’re caught between the need to show you care and the fear of offending because you’re reminding them of something painful.”

I have to say that I was never embarrassed about losing my job. I told my wife on day one that I did nothing wrong, and that frankly, my bosses were more embarrassed about letting me go after 25 years than I was for being out of work. It's pretty clear from the tone of my blog that I have no problem discussing what happened.

That doesn't mean I WANT to discuss it with everyone. Last week, when I arrived at my son's daycare center to get him after school ( yes, we still have him in aftercare - it's a lifestyle choice to accomodate Spencer , and no, jobless people don't just go broke in a day!), one of my neighbors saw me and called out, "How's the job search going?"... This is in a parking lot with people walking by. "You know, I know a lot of people in my business... Maybe one of them can help you get a job!" I know the guy was just trying to be helpful, but I barely know the man. I have no idea how he even knew I am unemployed. I certainly didn't need him broadcasting my situation to the world, and I CERTAINLY didn't feel obligated to discuss it with him!

I have found that people DO want to be helpful, but by and large they have no idea HOW. The best advice I can give you to help me is to be DISCREET and CONCRETE. I greatly appreciate everyone's good thoughts and wishes, and I greatly appreciate any and all job tips. But please don't shout out your thoughts across a parking lot, and PLEASE don't ask me to call a friend of a friend who's not in the radio business about a job that may or may not exist.

When you lose your job, I'll be happy to do the same for you!

Coping With Coping...

I'm finding that you need to develop coping skills pretty quickly when you're looking for work... You need to cope when you're waiting for an e-mail or for the phone to ring. You need to cope when you've looked through every job search engine you can think of and can't find any more jobs you want to apply for. You need to cope with feeling like you are doing nothing productive... My answer for that dilemma was starting this blog, which I find simulates productivity extremely well. In fact, I'm simulating being productive as I write this because it helps me avoid the fact that I have reached a plateau in my job search.

For the first two months, I was able to find something to apply for nearly every day, or work on my resume, or work on my website, or fix up my blog and rationize that I was creating "writing samples". Now I've reached the point where I pretty much know what's out there, and hitting up careerbuilder.com and monster.com and journalismjobs.com and mediabistro.com several times a day is yielding little more than boredom.

I hate like hell to take a break from looking, because every time I stop, the little demon inside me that tells me I'll never find a job again grows a little stronger, and the clock on the wall ticks a little louder, reminding me that my time on the beach, by necessity, will soon have to come to an end.

But sometimes in life, benching your cleanup hitter because he's batting 1 for 20 is the best thing you can do to kick him in the ass and get him to start hitting homers again. Maybe I'm striking out with the job search because all of the jobs are starting to look the same, and the thought of settling for something I don't really want is starting to overshadow the excitement of moving on to the next chapter in my life. So I think I'm going to take a couple of days off to let the search engines fill up with some more exciting opportunities... recharge my batteries and get set for life AFTER the plateau!

I won't give up the blogging though... I have to find some way to cope!

Thanks, But No Thanks!

If looking for a job is a new experience for me (and it is), then so is facing my first rejection notice. The envelope arrived in Friday's mail, and at first, I had no suspicion at all of what might be inside... another form to fill out for a drug test, perhaps? Nah. It was your standard "thanks, but no thanks" letter, complete with a promise to retain my resume in case something more suitable comes up. I had been through two interviews with the company in question, and had actually made the mistake of putting the odds of being hired in my favor... But the biggest shock to me, frankly, was that I actually received the letter via snail mail! I've hired probably 25 people in my career, and I never mailed out letters to the people I didn't hire (shame on me!). I usually DID drop emails in later years, but the notion of paper letters seems so... 20th Century! The application process today is so intertwined with email and websites, that the thought of using a letter carrier to bring me the news had simply never occured to me. Still, bully to my non-employer for rejecting me quickly and with a minimum of pain. Knowing I did NOT get the job makes it much easier for me to plow ahead with more applications - online, of course!

The Unemployed Need Vacation, Too! (Don't They?)

Hello from sunny Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, where Life On The Beach reports this week from an actual BEACH! Yes, the Beach Bum is three weeks removed from getting the ax, but here I am with my family, staying at a timeshare that I bought way back when I was a Disney cast member and all was right with the world. I must admit... being here when no job is beckoning upon my return does seem a little extravagant, and every vacation tchotchke that Mrs. Beach Bum looks at now seems like even more of a waste of money than it did when I was working... However, these reservations were made seven months ago, and thanks to cell phones and wifi for my laptop, I can just as easily be surfing for work here as I can at home. Plus - it's nice to spend this time with the wife and kids... When we get back, it's back to rushing them off to school and work while I stay home!

I saw that Georgetown lost in the second round of the NCAA's... I ALMOST wish I was home so I could listen to John Thompson cry like a baby that his kid's team was somehow screwed out of making the Sweet 16... Sorry - I hate the Hoyas. That's what going to Syracuse will do to ya!

If anyone has a job for me, I'm all ears... Even down here in Low Country!