Post-Vacation News And Notes

I'm still getting caught up with the news after returning from Hilton Head...

• A big congrats to the Washington Nationals, winning the opener in their new ballpark, a 3 - 2 dandy over the dreaded Altanta Braves!

I was not able to make last night's game, however I do have a couple of very memorable opening days in my past! My Dad took me to what turned out to be the last opening day ever for the Washington Senators in 1971. Frank Howard slammed a homer as the Senators shut out the A's, 8 - nothing, and I got to miss an entire day of school! And in a personal career highlight, I covered the opening of Camden Yards in Baltimore in 1992! I co-hosted the Harden and Weaver show on WMAL that morning, because the great Jackson Weaver was out sick. My lingering memory from that day was that we were given commemorative train whistles by the O's, but mine didn't last long! When O's Vice President (and baseball legend) Frank Robinson came up to the press box for an interview, he pocketed my whistle. I've always wondered why!

Two other news items of note that occured during my absence...

• In an obvious concession to my riveting commentary on the foolish effort by lawmakers to pick and choose which distractions should and should not be legislated while driving, the Maryland House has killed a proposed handheld cellphone ban. Thank God! I'll be prepared to go hands-free on the cell phone just as soon as they ban every other potentially dangerous driving distraction. If they want us all to be safe, maybe they should ban driving, too!
• My Congressman, Albert Wynn, was so badly beaten and humiliated in the Democratic primary by Donna Edwards, that he's decided to step down in June... six months before the end of his term. Wynn's departure leaves Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley with two BAD choices... Either A) - fill Wynn's seat via an expensive and no-doubt sparsely attended special election or B) - Leave the seat open until January. Considering that I was one of Wynn's constituents for nearly all of his 15 years in Congress, and that as far as I know, he never even visited my part of Montgomery County, I say let the seat stay vacant for now... It's not like it was being filled for the past 15 years! Thanks for nothing, Al... and don't let the door hit your backside on the way out!

Pedro Sez - Visit South of the Border! (Just Don't Get Out Of The Car!)

The distance between Hilton Head Island, South Carolina and Brookeville, Maryland is 617 miles. I know this for a fact because I drove every single blessed one of them on the family's return home from vacation. For the first third of the trip, I, like so many before me, passed the time reading billboards every couple of miles like this one...

For those of you who've never had the pleasure of driving through the Carolinas on I-95, South of the Border might be a bit difficult to describe. The massive tourist trap, which sits just South of the North Carolina/South Carolina border(get it?), includes a gas station, several restaurants, souvenir shops, fireworks stands, a motel, mini-golf course, amusement park and even a store selling pornography and sex toys.... I would describe the theme as "pre-politically correct 1950's Wetback kitsch". The mascot for South of the Border is Pedro, a Mexican equivalent of a Negro lawn jockey or Chief Wahoo, the idiotically grinning mascot of the Cleveland Indians. Pedro is a caricature - perhaps what our parents might have thought a Mexican looked or sounded like. His billboards "speak" in a thick Mexican accent, like this one -

In fact, I wonder whether"South of the Border" might be what Corey Stewart and his anti-illegal immigrant crowd in Prince William County picture as their own version of Hell!

It's probably been 25 years since I last stopped at South of the Border, and it might be that long before I stop again, but I couldn't resist passing through, and taking a look around. Sadly, "SOB" has seen better days. Even in the middle of the day, much of the place was shut down, even though it was spring break. Many of the buildings were in disrepair, and it seems many other local businesses that once leached off of the tourist mecca have turned the area into a Tijuana ghost town. Just beyond "SOB", we saw boarded-up car dealerships, shutdown sex shops, and other dingy nightspots that once presumably used the allure of South of the Border to bring in customers. Sadly, it seems time has passed Pedro by... But we'll always have his billboards!

The Unemployed Need Vacation, Too! (Don't They?)

Hello from sunny Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, where Life On The Beach reports this week from an actual BEACH! Yes, the Beach Bum is three weeks removed from getting the ax, but here I am with my family, staying at a timeshare that I bought way back when I was a Disney cast member and all was right with the world. I must admit... being here when no job is beckoning upon my return does seem a little extravagant, and every vacation tchotchke that Mrs. Beach Bum looks at now seems like even more of a waste of money than it did when I was working... However, these reservations were made seven months ago, and thanks to cell phones and wifi for my laptop, I can just as easily be surfing for work here as I can at home. Plus - it's nice to spend this time with the wife and kids... When we get back, it's back to rushing them off to school and work while I stay home!

I saw that Georgetown lost in the second round of the NCAA's... I ALMOST wish I was home so I could listen to John Thompson cry like a baby that his kid's team was somehow screwed out of making the Sweet 16... Sorry - I hate the Hoyas. That's what going to Syracuse will do to ya!

If anyone has a job for me, I'm all ears... Even down here in Low Country!

They Should Ban Drive-Thru Lanes And Car Radios, Too!

Watch out, people- he's getting up on the soapbox!

It now appears likely that Maryland will soon ban the use of cell phones while driving. The Senate has passed the measure on a party-line vote, and it's now headed to the House in Annapolis. All of this in the name of highway safety. Ok, fine. The bill would allow drivers to continue to cell-chat by using a hands-free device, so apparently the safety issue is that drivers should have both hands on the wheel, and apparently NOT that phone conversation itself can be a distraction. So follow this line of logic with me... If holding a cell phone while driving is unsafe, how about trying to eat a Whopper while driving? How about reaching to change radio stations? How about applying lipstick in the rear-view mirror? How about reaching in the backseat to give your kid a good whack when he deserves it? Shouldn't all of THOSE things be illegal as well?

Look... we've all been annoyed by seeing other drivers doing asinine things while talking on their cell phones. But choosing one distraction over another is a slippery slope. A lapful of spilled ketchup is every bit as likely to cause an accident as a cell phone call. So how soon will it be before drive thrus are boarded up? Just give it time, people!

Lies And Falsehoods!

I have two items on the plate for you this morning, my readers (or is that reader? or is that NO ONE?)... and both of them have to do with the truth - or lack thereof.

Item one is personal and possibly affects my future employment. I offer you this headline from DCRTV.com:

Carlson & Matthews (Not Chris) To Fox News? - 3/18 - DCRTV hears that Tucker Carlson is planning to heard straight to Fox News as soon as his NBC/MSNBC contract is up, and his non-compete clause expires. Carlson ain't happy that his MSNBC show got axed. Also, look for former WMAL News Director John Matthews to also wind up at Fox News, in some behind-the-scenes gig, we're told. More soon.....

The problem with this headline is that there is not one shred of truth to it. To my knowledge, I have never spoken with anyone from Fox News in my entire life. I am not opposed at all to working for Fox News, but this rumor is simply made up from whole cloth! Let this be a lesson to all - Not everything you read on the internet is true... and that goes DOUBLE for DCRTV. (This blog is a notable exception, of course!)

Item two is, by comparison, totally trivial... but it also speaks to a lack of credibility. I am talking, of course, about the judging on "Dancing With The Stars"! In general, I usually agree with the judges' marks on the show, but every once in a while, you just KNOW they received their marching orders from on high. Priscilla Presley, who, by the way, should have a lawsuit pending against her plastic surgeon, received glowing remarks and scores! See for yourself!
A 24 out of 30 for her first dance of the competition... ABC has been pimping (yes, I said PIMPING, Nehman... whadda ya think about THAT?) Presley as THE star for the new season, and they made damn sure their star wasn't going to be the first woman out the door! If she had a 24 in week one, how long will it take for her to reach perfection? Week 2? I smell FIX!

Good News For One Of The Good Guys!

A quick beachfront shoutout to my friend, Paul Duckworth, who decided late last year that he was going to end his 35-year love affair with radio, and retire as the Operations/Program Director at WMAL. Paul told us all at the time that he was going to "try" to stay out of the radio biz, but he didn't seem too convinced it would work. Well, his suspicions proved correct. Paul's retirement didn't take, and now, three months later, Paul is going back to his old job at the big 630. That's right - he's replacing himself! I've been warned by Paul and many other radio lifers that leaving the biz is easier said than done... We shall have to see about that. But in the meantime, WMAL is better off to have Paul back... and for the moment, anyway, Paul is no doubt happy to be resuming his affair.

My Kind Of Job!

There was definitely a time when THIS would have been for me!

Aggressive Street Reporters – Sin City

Oh the stories from Vegas. Celebrities, corruption, school violence, making ends meet, boom town, etc. If you’re a bust-your-tail, want-to-lead-each-newscast-because-your-stuff’s-so-compelling reporter…then the KDWN 24/7 local news team needs you in the entertainment capital of the world. Tools?…no problem. People?…professionally stimulating. Weather?…great.

Too bad I have a mortgage and a wife and two kids - and more to the point, an unfortunate affinity for blackjack! I fear splitting on aces and eights would be the death of me!